sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
