Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize