I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
