where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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