"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
