Plan B is the new Plan A
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize