One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
