My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
