he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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