grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
