Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
