problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
