4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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