I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
