btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
