The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
