I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
