wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
