I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i drank out of a bidet.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
