we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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