I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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