I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
