if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
