i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
