Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
