My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
