my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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