everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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