I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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