I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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