When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
