its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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