Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
