so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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