I can text with my tongue
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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