I'm really into asian looking animals
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
