Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
