At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize