If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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