My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
