hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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