i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
A+ Viking dick
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