I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
