I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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