I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
