I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
