shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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