I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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