I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
