Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
