are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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