Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
