Duck Duck Cougar?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize