My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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