i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
