Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
