can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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