Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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