when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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