omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
